As a teenager I became obsessed with the process of birth & often took the opportunity to wear my carved foam pregnancy stomach. I loved to mimic the difficulties pregnant women have sitting down, especially if I there was a substitute teacher! Oh, the judgments… Later I realized my obsession was an obsession with the nature of creativity itself. I quickly came to the conclusion that my own creativity did not issue from me but through me.

 My college years were spent deep in the company of mystics such as Plotinus, Meister Eckhart, & Hildegard of Bingen. I pursued God with vigor and fell very deeply into the “dark night of the soul”- that stage on the mystical journey when your life crumbles and it seems that God has abandoned you. I was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease called scleroderma. I became very ill. I had trouble walking; I couldn’t open a door; couldn’t sleep from pain.

 I knew from my study of ancient mystics that although one feels utterly abandoned by the Divine during this dark night, it is really the moment when we are closest to God. We see darkness, but we are really blinded by the Light. For 10 years, as my illness kept me from fully pursuing my art, it forced me deep inside. Ultimately, it has shown me the face of the Divine on this earth, which as it turns out, was always my goal anyway.

 During this time, without the physical energy to create, I began an in depth study of the sacred art tradition of medieval illumination. I co-founded the Gabriel Guild  and got involved in teaching art techniques. Later I co-wrote the forth-coming book  Lapis & Gold: Unlocking the Secrets of Medieval Painters and Illuminators.  Although I produced many illuminations about the relationship between spirituality & creativity, it was a side trip for me. Ultimately, the process of illumination teaches us to control our artistic vision in order to surrender to Divine will as manifest in the physical materials used to paint. I am interested in more. I wish to surrender everything into the creative process, to allow the Divine spirit of creativity to flow through me, perfected, untarnished by my own small desires. My illness has taught me in great and excruciating detail how to begin to do just that. 

As my acceptance of my illness has grown, so has the quality of my health. I have emerged from my illness, not unscarred, not completely healed, but more fully alive and connected to my artistic process. The years I have spent away from my art have deepened my understanding & depths. I am more committed than ever to my exploration of the roots of creativity through art.

Artist Statement

The roots of creativity are shrouded in mystery. They run deep into an eternal well brimming with the generative nature of the Divine.