Jan 15 2008
On Not Filling the Vacuum
Ancient clay vessel
I am the one You created from dust,
A handful of dust moving at Your wish.
You planted this seed,
This growth is obeying that command.
-Abu-Saeed Abil-Kheir
I haven’t posted for a few days, but not for health reasons. I’m recovering well. The reason is, I’m holding my life open, trying to remain empty. A major cycle in my life has ended and this creates a vacuum. What I am doing now is stepping aside to let that space be filled by God and not by my own habits or ideas about what I should be doing.
This is very different for me. I’m used to charging forward with plan and making it happen. If there is one thing the last few years have taught me, my plan is nothing more than a worthless scrap of paper. I’ve been like a wild horse that has been broken. I am ready to serve so I am quietly waiting for the Divine to fill my vacuum. Holding that space open is drawing most of my energy right now. Operations are easy. This is more of a task!
Eckhart says:
If people find themselves in this way in pure nothingness, is it not better for them to do something to drive away the darkness and the abandonment? Should such people not somehow pray, read, listen to a sermon, or carry out other works that are virtuous so as to help themselves? No! Understand this truly that remaining quite still and for as long at a time as possible is the best thing you can do.
I guess again, I am seeking to be a vessel, but this time by surrendering in my life and not just during the process of creating art.
Thanks everyone who has though of me and kept me their prayers. It’s beautiful to remember how connected everyone on earth is and how we can help each other without ever leaving our homes.
It is so wonderful to read another post from you and know that you are well. I have been thinking of you often…
This new, beautiful phase of your journey reminds me of the words of Al Hallaj’s words:
Between me and You there is only me
Take away the me so that only You remain
Sybil, I’m so glad you’re feeling better. Sounds like you’ve really had a wakeup call, and I love the way you’re responding to it. A similar impetus to surrender in my life (for far less traumatic reasons) has me on a bit of a ‘blog break’ right now.
Because I got too caught up in Trying to be creative, I’ve backed off a bit to take some time and let myself empty out, relax, become, as you put it here, a vessel waiting to be filled, rather than trying to fill itself by my own little will.
You call it God, and sometimes I understand what people mean by that, a lot of times no. From you I get a sense that it really is something spiritual, not just dogma, and that I can relate to, although I don’t call it by names, feeling words too inadequate to really describe…well, one term I kinda like for it~’non-local intelligence.’ I think Deepak Chopra came up with that one.
Nevertheless, I found it -not ironic- synchronous, if that’s a word - synchronicity(I know that’s a word:-) - at work for me to find this as your top post today. The Universal Intelligence, or God, confirming, at least suggesting, I too, need a break, for the same kind of thing to happen.
I’ve rambled on enough.
I need to sign off and be still. Maybe enjoy some more of your art.
Thank you very much for this, my friend.
*namaste*
I’ve been kind of restless and in transition too. I love the way you described it. May we both be patient and find our calling. Glad you are feeling better!
Love that Eckhart quote. It is very relevant for me these days. I feel I am in a similar place, holding myself open, not pushing or forcing, and that has meant not writing much for the past couple of weeks.
This also brings to mind Nouwen’s writings about waiting.
Thank you.
[…] The African prayer was found at Catherine’s blog. The Eckhart at Painter’s (Painter—where are you?). […]